Wednesday, 17 September 2014

Happy Anniversary!

Today marks my 2year wedding anniversary. I can't believe where the time has gone. We have been together 9years now and I am still so shocked as to how much we have been through in those years. Looking back, when we first started dating I was completely carefree, in university, and had no worries. Everything in my life was quite simple. Our biggest concerns were where we were going for dinner.

In the past three years, after my initial cancer diagnosis, it left me completely stunned, saddened, angry as hell, and made me question just about everything including my relationship. Chris and I were engaged when I was diagnosed and all I could think of was why would he possibly want to stay with me?? I was 26 years old and had cancer. CANCER. This meant hair loss, fatigue, neuropathy, nausea, and potentially death. At this point I definitely wasn't a catch. How many men would run as though they were training for the Olympics to get away from ms-shit-outta-luck cancer chick if they knew their partner had cancer?

I definitely made it hard on him. I felt ashamed and extremely vulnerable. I never would have chosen to be bald, but it happened. Chris never looked at me once as if I was diseased, rather he said he liked my buzz cut because he thought I looked like GI Jane, hahaha. As time went on he never once felt ashamed of me. After I had surgery he didn't look at me any differently. I lost my nails from the chemotherapy but he never said, "you're falling apart, this is too much for me to handle."

He stuck by me through everything. Even when I gave him the option to run for the hills if he couldn't handle it anymore; he stood by me. Once I completed all my treatments I realized what true love really is. It isn't about the carefree fun, but it really is "for better, for worse" and in "sickness and in health." We got married after I finished all my treatments. I had super short hair (a hairstyle I never imagined getting married with) and a totally new hair colour. The radiation burns still present on my chest and visible in all my wedding photos. However, at this point I was just ecstatic to have hair, nails, and my life back. Everything about our wedding day was perfect. It was a new beginning, and I had a glimpse of my own mortality and was so happy to put it behind me and move forward.

One and a half years after getting married, cancer came back. The day we found out we sat in the car in the hospital parking lot and cried. Oddly, it wasn't so much the cancer diagnosis that affected me as much as it was the loss of my future. The loss of fertility and knowing we will never have children hurt the most. I wondered how on earth he would handle this? We wanted a family, and we were on the cusp of starting a family, and once again this stupid disease was back! When I asked Chris he said he didn't care if we never had kids as long as we were together. Now I tried to imagine if he was simply trying to be supportive in saying this, but nope he was completely genuine and it affected me in the utmost positive way.

He has come to every one of my appointments, the majority of my infusions, all my scans and tests, and he has done so willingly. I have never had to beg him to, and he has always known how to talk me through all my fears even though he probably has the same fears as me. As we celebrate our anniversary I do so knowing we have been through more in these past few years then most people go through in a lifetime. We know what is important in life and recognize the fragility of it. I couldn't be happier, and look forward to many more anniversaries to come. I would just like a little less focus on illness and a little more focus on health and happiness. Just a little more of the carefree life we had years ago, without it being just a fleeting moment.

Happy Anniversary babes. Thanks for sticking by me through all my "craptaculously" huge health problems. Probably not the future you envisioned as we seem to be aging a bit more rapidly then we would have liked. However, I have figured out one perk! I think between my crappy cancer and your crappy knee we may qualify for rock star parking, AKA: handicap parking:) I love you.

 
 


14 comments:

  1. Happy Anniversary Chris and Judit! Hope you get to celebrate like rock stars... with your parking permit. :)

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    1. Hahaha, thank you Amanda. We didn't have the parking permit in time for our anniversary.

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  2. this was a very lovely post to read, happy anniversary! Chris sounds like a fantastic guy, but he was also so lucky to marry you, you are one wonderful lady

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    1. Thank you Beth I really appreciate it:)

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  3. Happy anniversary Judit! Sounds like you have a wonderful hubby!! And those wedding pictures are GORGEOUS!!!

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  4. Oh my word these pictures are stunning!! Happy Anniversary :)

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  5. Your love is truly one of a kind <3 Happy Anniversary!!

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    1. Thank you Megs!! One of a kind is a good way to describe it. Dr. Webster did tell us at our last appointment that we may qualify for assisted living, hahaha.

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  6. Hi Judit,
    Happy anniversary to you both! It is something very special to have someone to love you as you go through the cancer maze. I'm so glad you have that someone. This post was lovely to read. Well, except for the cancer part. Congrats on the two years!

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    1. Thank you so much Nancy! It really means a lot, and I really do feel very blessed to have the life I have with a man who has stood by me through everything.

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  7. Happy anniversary! What a wonderful husband you have. I wish the two of you many more loving years together.

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    1. Thank you so much Eileen! I do feel very lucky to have him in my life:)

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