Best. Day. Ever!!!!!!

 

Going into my appointment with my oncologist this week I was scared and stressed. I had my CT and MRI, and the week leading up to this appointment I was trying so hard to just keep it together. The morning of my appointment I was well beyond scared. I broke out in a rash from the stress and thought I was honestly going to vomit. It took a lot to try and calm myself.

The moment my oncologist walked in and simply blurted out, "everything's good." I had heard this before which then follows up with a "but..." I asked if there was a "but," however he said No. It was the biggest relief, as if the largest weight was lifted off my shoulders. I had been having quite a lot of pain to my left shoulder and was so scared that it was related to cancer progression. It wasn't. I probably pulled something, thank frickin goodness!!!!! The thought of it being a simple muscle strain was the greatest joy. It's been a while since I've been this ecstatic!!!!!

To further add to my elation was the MRI of my brain. Firstly, anyone with cancer is aware of the seed and soil theory in which if you have a solitary met to the brain, there may be a high likelihood that further spots will "pop" up. I can say there is NO NEW spots!! NOTHING!! The stereotactic radiosurgery to my left frontal lobe shrunk the cancer from 9mm to 3mm!! Honestly, this was the best darn Christmas gift I could have ever imagined. This is all I wanted and I got it:) I am so thankful for my amazing oncologist for always taking the time to talk, and never, not even once, have I felt rushed. I leave these appointments feeling as though I've been cured of cancer. I know I haven't been, but he has a phenomenal ability of being able to instil so much hope. I need this. It's the only way to deal with metastatic cancer. Small victories=hope=happiness=An amazing quality of life.

My hubby and I went for a coffee right after to celebrate. It's such a feeling of elation I can't even describe. We sat there and I saw my hubbies eyes well up. I recognize how this affects him, and I know he's just as scared as I am. These were happy tears. Tears that represent that cancer didn't get us today. Tears shed that literally allowed us to let go of all the fear we have both collectively held in this past week. I had to admit to my hubby something that I had done quietly, and not told anyone because it's a little bit shameful and maybe even a bit pathetic. My roots have been growing out and I have been long overdue to get my hair cut and highlighted. However, knowing I had this appointment I decided to schedule it for the following week. My thought process was what if things got worse? Specifically, what if it spread to my visceral organs? I know I would require chemotherapy, and once again this would lead me to lose my hair. Therefore, I thought why would I not only waste my money, but I don't want to look in the mirror and cry at the thought of losing my new, nicely styled hair. I know this seems very minuscule in the grand scheme of things, but I am 29years old, and yes this matters to ME. I don't want to advertise my disease. I don't want pity, and I don't want people who don't know me to know I have cancer. I just don't. I know people are thinking, but you blog about it so people probably know. However, I am nowhere near famous enough with this blog to have everyone know! I'm trying to avoid strangers from knowing. I mean people at the store, gas station, restaurant, who will look at you with that cocked neck pity party, sad eyes look, and say, "but you're so young." I HATE it when people say that as my only response is, "yup, it sucks." Next time maybe I should ask if I could get a discount? That may be the only benefit to having everyone know I have metastatic breast cancer.

As we drove home I was on cloud nine. I knew things were good when the Black Eyed Peas song, I Gotta Feeling, came on. It was timed perfectly, and resonated completely with how I felt. It was the final confirmation that my health, in this moment, was good. We are feeling very lucky, and extremely blessed, and I think this is the perfect opportunity to pay it forward. I know there are others, where today may be the worst day of their lives, and I would love to be able to bring some happiness into their lives, even if it is something small. However, it may just be what they need in that moment. I'll let you all know what I'm up to in my next blog post;)

Today, was one of the happiest days I've had in a very long time. I just want to jump for joy. I feel I have a smile plastered on my face like those scratch and win Christmas commercials! That's my face today, and I don't think anything will change this! So HAPPY:)

Our faces were a bit more composed here!!

Having my black coffee with the perfect words for a perfect day!!