And just like that it was a crappy week...both literally and figuratively. Sometimes I feel as though I don't understand my body anymore. I've always been very in-tune with my body, and knew when I was coming down with something. Now...everything just happens so fast, and with absolutely no warning. I feel like I'm drowning with no chance to stay afloat. I hate it!!
It all started one evening when I noticed I had one sided flank pain. Immediately the nurse in me started to problem solve about what this could be and what I should do. If you are not a nurse you must understand our collective mentality. We do NOT seek medical attention easily. We assume we can handle just about anything and everything. Without a doubt we force our loved ones to seek medical attention and we can be authoritative about this! However, our own health, there's no chance in hell we leave our house. None. Nope. Is this smart?? Definitely not, but in our minds we can handle absolutely anything.
As the evening went on the pain seemed to get worse. I started to wonder if I had developed a kidney infection. I have never had a kidney infection, but that seemed like a potential cause in my mind. Therefore, as I drove home I bought some cranberry juice. I could fix this...I just needed some juice. No biggie. As the evening went on the pain got worse and I developed a fever. Damn it! I didn't like the fever being added to the flank pain, so I thought if I still have a fever in the morning then I will go to the doctor because I know it can quickly progress to sepsis if it is indeed a kidney infection. That evening I just put a heat pack on my flank and took some Tylenol. By the time I went to bed my flank pain was gone...fever was higher, but the pain was gone.
At around 2am I woke up with awful nausea. It woke me suddenly from my sleep and I quickly got up to run to the bathroom in our en-suite. Well...this commute was too far for the condition I was in. I remember making it to the door and blacking out momentarily. My legs buckled and I went down, but not before having my head bounce off the doorknob. I remember laying on the floor, my heart pounding, and thinking I have to make it to the bathroom because otherwise I'll have my puke to clean up off the floor. Ugh. My hubby woke up and quietly called over, "are you ok?" The nurse in me responded, "ya I'm totally good just a little nauseous." That couldn't be farther from the truth, but I didn't want to worry him. I managed to crawl to the bathroom where I kept vomiting. I was as pale as a ghost, had zero energy, and had a fever. Oh, and I had a big bump on my forehead from where my head met the doorknob: lovely. After vomiting what felt like forever, I got so light headed I blacked out momentarily again, and this time hit the back of my head on the tile. However, the good news with this one was I was already sitting, hunched over the toilet so I didn't have as far a way to go down. Once I assumed I had vomited every possible content I ate in the last week out I got diarrhea. Perfect. Let's just shit our pants too...great days!! At this point I was exhausted, weak, and felt super unwell. I decided to sleep in the closet in our en-suite as this was a quicker commute to the toilet in case something more could possibly come out of me. Eventually my hubby found me and was quite surprised by my "slight nausea."
At this point I didn't think I had a kidney infection, and simply thought I now had a stomach flu. 24hours was what I had hoped for, sooner would've been better. This was NOT a 24hour flu at all!!! It didn't matter how little water I sipped or Gatorade, nothing stayed in me and it immediately came out. As the days went on I felt like I was getting worse. WTF was wrong with me!! The next night I abruptly awoke again with crazy nausea, but I had no time to make it to the bathroom. I puked all over our lovely duvet, before being able to grab my robe next to the bed and essentially puking all over it. Ugh...I hate throwing up, and I hate throwing up all over my bedding even more. Thank goodness for my amazing mother who decided to stay over because I was sicker than I had been in quite a while, and felt like I had no energy for anything. My hubby still had to work so my mom was a godsend during these days.
After two days of not being able to keep anything in me my energy was seriously at an all time low. I knew I was dehydrated, but I still didn't want to make a fuss about it. I laid in front of our fireplace because I was shaking due to the fever, which definitely didn't help with the dehydration. As I laid there I felt confused, and my hubby noticed I wasn't breathing normally. This evening scared me. I started to get chest pain, which I didn't want to mention to my hubs or mom out of fear they'd call 911-no fuss is what I'm about. Then my hands and feet started to feel like pins and needles. Started with my fingertips and then extended to my whole hand and my feet. My extremities were ice cold. In my head I knew I needed fluids because I literally started to wonder if I was headed towards going into shock. I know...I leave things, BUT I will do just about anything to avoid going to the hospital. I do NOT want to acquire some awful infection while in hospital, so I avoid going there at all possible cost. Just on an off note, I also avoid emerg because when I'm this sick I can't physically tolerate sitting in a waiting room, and this is where a lil rant comes in. People, if you don't have a real emergency, and my definition of this is the following: you are suddenly missing a limb, you're unconscious, you are septic, have had a heart attack or stroke, or you have been in a horrific accident where you've sustained something more severe then a sprained ankle or a broken pinkie. Otherwise, please stay the fuck home and go to your family doctor!!!! I can't even begin to explain how much it bothers me when people abuse the healthcare system!!! When I scan an emergency room and see people laughing and talking like they're out for a date at a pub...let's be real...GO HOME you're probably just fine and I promise you that your family doctor can trim that hangnail off your toe!! Rant over;).
At this point I had gone three days with no food, and essentially no liquids...that would stay in me at least. I started to wonder if I'd ever see a day again where I didn't need to crap my pants or vomit. It was seriously some "shitty" times, lol. Now this is where the greatness of the people around me and my hubbies connections saved me. He asked the paramedics if they could kindly come out to our place and give me IV fluids. These lovelies were a life saver and I am so grateful for them. They started an IV, we used a standing lamp to hang the IV fluids on, and they gave me anti-emetics. My blood pressure at this point was low and my blood sugars weren't great either-can't say I was surprised by any of this though. I managed to keep the IV in for a couple days and give myself 3L of fluid along with some dextrose. THIS was my style of care. No need to sit in an emerg waiting room exposed to every disgusting bacteria, virus, and lord knows what while being fearful of shitting myself. The dehydration led to the worst headaches I've ever had in my life. I took everything, but this was the first time in my life where absolutely no drug touched the pain.
The couple days of IV fluids gave me enough hydration to be able to have a bit of energy, and I managed to recuperate without worrying about trying to sip fluids that simply didn't want to stay in my body. This illness came on so suddenly and became so bad, so quickly, that it legitimately scared me! I lost almost 10lbs in less than a week (5 days actually)!! Once I was hungry again and my headache subsided it was as though this fog had been lifted. It's after times like this that I become so much more appreciative for my health. All I wanted when I laid on the floor was for all of this to be over, and I felt like I couldn't see an end in site. As my energy returned I was ecstatic and happy to get back to my life, and LIVING!!! To my mom, my hubs, and the lovely paramedics I thank you for absolutely everything!!!! We made it through another "bump in the road," and there's no way I could have done it without all of you:).
It all started one evening when I noticed I had one sided flank pain. Immediately the nurse in me started to problem solve about what this could be and what I should do. If you are not a nurse you must understand our collective mentality. We do NOT seek medical attention easily. We assume we can handle just about anything and everything. Without a doubt we force our loved ones to seek medical attention and we can be authoritative about this! However, our own health, there's no chance in hell we leave our house. None. Nope. Is this smart?? Definitely not, but in our minds we can handle absolutely anything.
As the evening went on the pain seemed to get worse. I started to wonder if I had developed a kidney infection. I have never had a kidney infection, but that seemed like a potential cause in my mind. Therefore, as I drove home I bought some cranberry juice. I could fix this...I just needed some juice. No biggie. As the evening went on the pain got worse and I developed a fever. Damn it! I didn't like the fever being added to the flank pain, so I thought if I still have a fever in the morning then I will go to the doctor because I know it can quickly progress to sepsis if it is indeed a kidney infection. That evening I just put a heat pack on my flank and took some Tylenol. By the time I went to bed my flank pain was gone...fever was higher, but the pain was gone.
At around 2am I woke up with awful nausea. It woke me suddenly from my sleep and I quickly got up to run to the bathroom in our en-suite. Well...this commute was too far for the condition I was in. I remember making it to the door and blacking out momentarily. My legs buckled and I went down, but not before having my head bounce off the doorknob. I remember laying on the floor, my heart pounding, and thinking I have to make it to the bathroom because otherwise I'll have my puke to clean up off the floor. Ugh. My hubby woke up and quietly called over, "are you ok?" The nurse in me responded, "ya I'm totally good just a little nauseous." That couldn't be farther from the truth, but I didn't want to worry him. I managed to crawl to the bathroom where I kept vomiting. I was as pale as a ghost, had zero energy, and had a fever. Oh, and I had a big bump on my forehead from where my head met the doorknob: lovely. After vomiting what felt like forever, I got so light headed I blacked out momentarily again, and this time hit the back of my head on the tile. However, the good news with this one was I was already sitting, hunched over the toilet so I didn't have as far a way to go down. Once I assumed I had vomited every possible content I ate in the last week out I got diarrhea. Perfect. Let's just shit our pants too...great days!! At this point I was exhausted, weak, and felt super unwell. I decided to sleep in the closet in our en-suite as this was a quicker commute to the toilet in case something more could possibly come out of me. Eventually my hubby found me and was quite surprised by my "slight nausea."
At this point I didn't think I had a kidney infection, and simply thought I now had a stomach flu. 24hours was what I had hoped for, sooner would've been better. This was NOT a 24hour flu at all!!! It didn't matter how little water I sipped or Gatorade, nothing stayed in me and it immediately came out. As the days went on I felt like I was getting worse. WTF was wrong with me!! The next night I abruptly awoke again with crazy nausea, but I had no time to make it to the bathroom. I puked all over our lovely duvet, before being able to grab my robe next to the bed and essentially puking all over it. Ugh...I hate throwing up, and I hate throwing up all over my bedding even more. Thank goodness for my amazing mother who decided to stay over because I was sicker than I had been in quite a while, and felt like I had no energy for anything. My hubby still had to work so my mom was a godsend during these days.
After two days of not being able to keep anything in me my energy was seriously at an all time low. I knew I was dehydrated, but I still didn't want to make a fuss about it. I laid in front of our fireplace because I was shaking due to the fever, which definitely didn't help with the dehydration. As I laid there I felt confused, and my hubby noticed I wasn't breathing normally. This evening scared me. I started to get chest pain, which I didn't want to mention to my hubs or mom out of fear they'd call 911-no fuss is what I'm about. Then my hands and feet started to feel like pins and needles. Started with my fingertips and then extended to my whole hand and my feet. My extremities were ice cold. In my head I knew I needed fluids because I literally started to wonder if I was headed towards going into shock. I know...I leave things, BUT I will do just about anything to avoid going to the hospital. I do NOT want to acquire some awful infection while in hospital, so I avoid going there at all possible cost. Just on an off note, I also avoid emerg because when I'm this sick I can't physically tolerate sitting in a waiting room, and this is where a lil rant comes in. People, if you don't have a real emergency, and my definition of this is the following: you are suddenly missing a limb, you're unconscious, you are septic, have had a heart attack or stroke, or you have been in a horrific accident where you've sustained something more severe then a sprained ankle or a broken pinkie. Otherwise, please stay the fuck home and go to your family doctor!!!! I can't even begin to explain how much it bothers me when people abuse the healthcare system!!! When I scan an emergency room and see people laughing and talking like they're out for a date at a pub...let's be real...GO HOME you're probably just fine and I promise you that your family doctor can trim that hangnail off your toe!! Rant over;).
At this point I had gone three days with no food, and essentially no liquids...that would stay in me at least. I started to wonder if I'd ever see a day again where I didn't need to crap my pants or vomit. It was seriously some "shitty" times, lol. Now this is where the greatness of the people around me and my hubbies connections saved me. He asked the paramedics if they could kindly come out to our place and give me IV fluids. These lovelies were a life saver and I am so grateful for them. They started an IV, we used a standing lamp to hang the IV fluids on, and they gave me anti-emetics. My blood pressure at this point was low and my blood sugars weren't great either-can't say I was surprised by any of this though. I managed to keep the IV in for a couple days and give myself 3L of fluid along with some dextrose. THIS was my style of care. No need to sit in an emerg waiting room exposed to every disgusting bacteria, virus, and lord knows what while being fearful of shitting myself. The dehydration led to the worst headaches I've ever had in my life. I took everything, but this was the first time in my life where absolutely no drug touched the pain.
The couple days of IV fluids gave me enough hydration to be able to have a bit of energy, and I managed to recuperate without worrying about trying to sip fluids that simply didn't want to stay in my body. This illness came on so suddenly and became so bad, so quickly, that it legitimately scared me! I lost almost 10lbs in less than a week (5 days actually)!! Once I was hungry again and my headache subsided it was as though this fog had been lifted. It's after times like this that I become so much more appreciative for my health. All I wanted when I laid on the floor was for all of this to be over, and I felt like I couldn't see an end in site. As my energy returned I was ecstatic and happy to get back to my life, and LIVING!!! To my mom, my hubs, and the lovely paramedics I thank you for absolutely everything!!!! We made it through another "bump in the road," and there's no way I could have done it without all of you:).
Sometimes you need to go through some rough days to realize how truly beautiful your life really is. However, at this point I get it, so enough with the rough days!!!!!!!
At home on the left with my IKEA standing lamp "IV pole." I love how nifty these medics were!! My Herceptin was delayed because; 1.) Physically, there was no way I could actually make it there & 2.) Because I am always so scared of killing a poor immunocompromised patient!!
These are the moments I live for, and would do absolutely anything and everything to make sure I can keep living and enjoying them...
My beautiful nieces and my "bubby," my sweet lil nephew!! There is NOTHING that makes you forget all your worries then a sleeping baby in your arms. They bring me an abundance of joy, love, and pure happiness.
My princess noodle who seems to be growing up so fast!! I can still remember her as a baby, and now she's wearing my clothes!! My mom who is the most selfless person I have ever met...I love you and value you more then you'll ever know. My hubby for always being level headed, and always managing to calm my fears...I love you babes. And of course my bestie...there is never a dull moment when we go out!! As long as I'm still laughing and surrounded by those I love I can truthfully say my life is full and I cherish all of you!
Omg it sounds as miserable as anything can get. Did you ever find out what was causing the pain that started it all? There was a stomach virus going around here in the past month too
ReplyDeleteI never found out Ginger as I never went to emerg. My niece had a very mild form the week before but recovered quickly!! All is well now, thank goodness!!
DeleteAgghhhhhh!!!! *Hugs* glad you are feeling better. I avoid the ER for the same reason. Grrrr. Awful.
ReplyDeleteThanks Mandi!! I am totally better now. It's funny because only others with cancer understand the not wanting to go to emerg bit. Our lives are already dominated by anything and everything medical, so we will do our best to stay home!!!
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