"Whoever said that winning isn't everything obviously never had cancer"
I managed to maintain my sanity this past week! The news I got from my appointment wasn't the greatest, but not the worst, I think? I was told that the meds seem to be working at keeping things stable in my bones which was a major thumbs up as I am very happy with treatments that cause relatively few, and manageable, side effects. Now the part that's the thumbs down is that "questionable spot" is indeed cancer; crap. So this damn spot is small to begin with, but grew 3mm in less than 3months, and ultimately it's in a place where if I were to leave it for 6months it would cause significant problems. The cancer decided to take up residence in the left frontal lobe of my brain. Ya, really not a place I wanted to have it, but it's there, so now what?
This is something I need to treat because unfortunately all the meds that I take now, none of them cross over the blood brain barrier, hence the cancer could set up quite a large residence. I'm not down with that. The brain has always fascinated me but this blood brain barrier has pissed me off because it allowed this bloody cancer in!!! Come on body do your flippin job already!!! I feel like my defence system is pretty lackadaisical, let's just let some cancer in here and there, why not. Grrrrr! Body this is CANCER, it's trying to kill you, so let's ramp it up!!!
Now I get to wait for a consult with a neuro radiation oncologist. I was told hopefully within a week because I will most likely have stereotactic radiosurgery. This is NOT surgery, but rather a very targeted, high dose form of radiation. I was also given the option of potentially switching to an oral chemo which slightly crosses the blood brain barrier, but it's effectiveness isn't great. For me, the treatments I am receiving for my systemic disease is working, therefore why change it over to something that will affect my quality of life? Things are stable from the neck down, and because this is a solitary met I feel strongly about this precise radiation. I've seen way too many people want as much treatment as possible right off the get go. This NEVER turns out well when you have METASTATIC cancer. Cancer changes and mutates and I want options if this cancer progresses. It's easy to immediately want to get the cancer out whether it be with surgery or kill it with chemo but this knee jerk reaction doesn't always have the best outcome. Your body can handle so much, therefore I want to be as conservative as possible with treatments, as long as my body cooperates (hint hint to my damn body to help out here).
Metastatic cancer is one f*ck*n bumpy ride! I found after this appointment I oddly didn't cry or feel like I was on a downward spiral. I've realized that this is MY life, and whether I like it or not I have no control over it. I just wanted to find out what we were going to do about this one, and knowing that there was something that could be done was perfect. I am very aware that things could be so much worse. It's a solitary met, and that doesn't happen often, therefore I may have won the brain mets lottery as there's only a single mass!!! I guess I'll learn more about everything after I meet with the specialist. Until then I'm going to keep on enjoying myself because I am not going to let this dictate every aspect of my life. Yes it sucks, but there's a bigger picture, and the only time you really lose is when you allow cancer to take away your happiness. That's not happening. Don't get me wrong not every day is sunshine and roses, but I would say 95% of the time it actually is. If you're stressed about something, sit down and think about it because odds are you're wasting your time with minuscule crapola. Look at the bigger picture and stop your whining, no offence, but I have zero desire to listen to it:) Be happy and count your blessings because you may have more than you realize;)
My lovely little people:)
I have the best friends in the world!!!!!