Cancer gives you a perspective on life that changes everything about you to the core. You are no longer the same person, as cancer forces you to think about your own mortality. Your life is lived in three month intervals. Every scan and test forces you to hold your breath not knowing what the results will show. Will I get to take a deep breath and get the chance to live a few more months knowing things are stable, or will the disease get worse forcing you to think about everything you fear. There is no way to sugar coat it, cancer strips you of the future you wish you could have. Uncertainty scares the crapola out of me, thus this past week has been mildly torturous as I awaited the results of my CT.
Well... I can tell everyone that I can breathe again!!!! Finally I got my CT results and things look good. Honestly I feel ready to have a party. Although I don’t drink and like to get to bed at a decent hour, so quite possibly the lamest party ever. However, we could have some green tea?? I know nobody is banging on my front door for that type of party but that’s fine by me. It’s as if this weight has been lifted off my shoulders and I am thrilled!! So the cancer in my bones is stable. Obviously the cancer is still there, however it has not gotten worse and as per the CT report it states that there is “mild interval improvement of the osseous metastasis.” I am so excited about this because it means that the current treatment is working. I am beyond thrilled that there is no cancer in my visceral organs because that means I can continue to live my life with enjoyment and know that in this moment It is very possible to make it to the age of 30 (however I plan to live much longer than that and have informed my oncologist of the same).
On top of all this I also got my wonderful Zoladex injection. I was ready this time with my emla cream on my stomach, however this time thanks to my fabulous nurse Nancy, it didn’t even hurt!! Her technique was fabtaculous and I hope she gives it to me everytime I need to get it. I should have told her to avoid taking vacations when I come.
So on this wonderful, sunny Thursday, I am relishing in this news. I am fully aware that sometimes this can be short lived, however I’m going to assume that this cancer gets bored of me and decides not to act up and simply disappears. All that matters is having good health, everything else is secondary. How many of us wake up, go to work, come home to make dinner, and then go to bed only to repeat this the next day?? We end up simply existing, and sadly it isn’t until something like cancer that we realize how we want to really live. For anyone reading this, figure out what you love, who you love, and what brings you the greatest joy. If you already know, recognize that your life is already pretty damn near perfect! Life is good, and I am so excited to keep on livingJ