Sunday, 30 November 2014

It's That Time Of Year Again!!!

 Nope I'm not talking about Christmas, although I would much rather be talking about that! I'm talking about scans!! Although at times I feel I can relate to a Christmas tree, especially when I light up like one! The only thing different is the feelings we evoke. The tree makes people smile with a warm fuzzy feeling in their stomachs, and when I light up...well...I make people cry and want to vomit; sorry. I had a CT of of my chest, abdomen, and pelvis. As well as an MRI of my brain to make sure the stereotactic radiosurgery got rid of that little bugger that had wandered into a private, highly gated community, in my brain. I kind of considered that one met like a party crasher. The brain met is the third wheel that I would love to ditch!! Don't get me wrong, I hate the mets to my bones, but they just scare me a little less then the one in my brain.

I'm slightly embarrassed even saying this but I'm curious how many other people think like me. Whenever I have an MRI of my brain, as I lay on the table with that boxy contraption over my head, my mind automatically wanders to inappropriate thoughts. I'm talking anything sexual, and then I tell myself to think of something else. Anything else. Flowers. A garden. ANYTHING. But then I'm so far gone that silly sexual things keep "popping" into my mind, and then all I can think of is whether a certain part of my brain lights up when I think like this. I wonder whether the techs will one day look at me and say, "well your cancer is stable, but you are a pervert." That would really be the happiest day of my life!! Never thought I'd say that, but this is where i'm at in my life.

Now moving onto the CTs. CTs I find to be relatively simple, in the sense that it's quick and I don't need to lay still for very long, and well...they can't probe into my slightly twisted brain. Comforting really. The dose of radiation from having these tests every three months leaves me a bit uneasy, but this is my only option for now. With CT scans all I can think of is you better empty your bowels prior to. I can't tell you how often I wonder whether the radiologist reading the scan looks at it and laughs either because they think you're full of shit or full of gas. How embarrassing would that be! Yes, this is what my crazy life has amounted to. The things I think about as I lay on a table exposing my insides has left me a bit...well..nutty!

Now I just wait. Hoping the results show stability, or better yet: No Evidence of Disease. I dream of this. If I could have either of these for Christmas it would be the best Christmas gift EVER!! I now wait, and will repeat this process in three months. Best case scenario: I can think of "appropriate" thoughts during my next MRI, and I can empty my bowels prior to my next CT. Oh the many joys of having cancer, and how things I NEVER would have thought of before are now in the forefront of my very crazy, slightly twisted, and "sillyish," "cancery" life.

This is written backwards, but it sums up my feelings in a nutshell:)

I'm hoping my insides don't light up like my Christmas tree!!!


  1. Haha. I haven't thought about what I was thinking about in the MRI's I have had recently. I don't think it was perverse, but that was hilarious. Good luck on your scan results! Always the scariest time/part and I hope they got that unwelcome guest in your brain!

    1. Hahaha, I know I need to work on where my mind wanders too with these scans!!